Practice by Angela Nicole frozen Sword I mean SWANSON written on October 26,2024

Hello, my name is Angela Nicole Swanson. I have cerebral palsy and use a powered wheelchair. I graduated from Saint Andrews university, which used to be Saint Andrews Presbyterian college in in 2008. I have a full bachelor’s degree, just like anyone else might, in case there is any confusion on the matter. I got into good graduate school programs for English but was not able to go because of financial issues Only.

I am so lucky that I was able to attend saint Andrews when it had a dorm program for severely disabled students in wheelchairs like me who needed twenty-four-hour care while getting their college education like all the other students. I met my future husband there. He was yelling at a game on tv with his friends like a typical college boy and stopped to give the new girl a tour.

The dorm was a priceless opportunity, and I wish It could have continued for others after me, but the program and our dorm closed due to financial problems. My dad and other parents had to organize care so that the remaining students could continue their education

 After graduation, I was able to live in my own apartment with a paid roommate who happened to be my fantastic friend since the third grade, followed by some other paid roommates I barely knew at the time. Those situations with the roommates I didn’t know didn’t last long. But then luckily, I lived in an an afl, meaning that I lived with my other caregiver/ great friend and her family.

I left that situation because my dad had and opportunity to work as a visiting professor at Johns Hopkins for a semester so that I could live near my husband. Like our college dorm, that was also a wonderful priceless opportunity that I can appreciate fully in hindsight like any Human being.  At the time I just wanted to stay with him.

When that was over, we came back to North Carolina, and I lived in a a supported living situation that felt to me a little bit more like a group home than what I had experienced before.

Some of the situations were great, some were not so good for me at all. Most had good times and tough times. Sometimes I felt uncomfortable and unsafe. sometimes, like everyone, I just needed a change or to be with the people I loved most. Right now, for a while, I live at home with my family again.

Two Saturdays ago, I went on a drive with my dad in his convertible. We had burgers delivered for dinner. It was a wonderful day! I am grateful to spend time with him. We listened to Music and watched the scenery by Jordan lake. I love being outside with nature and trees. We had to come home to feed the dogs, and they had gotten into the trash again. we love them anyway! I miss my husband Alexander every day, especially when I listen to love songs or songs he really enjoyed. He died on May 30th, 2023, of muscular dystrophy.

 I figured this basic information is a good thing to try dictation with even though I could be more poetic. The dictation seems to work decently; you just need editing sometimes. OK, A lot. Oh well.

Honestly, I am not not sure whether this specific software LEARNS each unique voice or not. For example, it is hard for me to say words that start with the letter L in the way that people understand—and this Microsoft word hard has a tough time understanding me also. However, it is still Interesting to see some of my words easily written on the screen. I hope I can write more in the future.

 I am going to move to a new house was house next year, called the G house, after a guy named   Gunnar who lives there. He has cerebral palsy like me, but it is harder for him to speak. He likes Carolina sports as does his other roommate Eliana and most of their friends and and staff. My brother has a dog named Duke and my dad works at Duke, so that is interesting. I I went I went to the State Fair with their group last Saturday. it was a fun time overall. I just I was thinking too much. I missed my husband and my amazing friend who used to come with me but lives in Massachusetts now. At least I I got my lemonade and fried dough. I met new people, and they were so nice! I like to see my new future housemates and I hope one day I will get all their hilarious inside jokes!

At first, I didn’t want to go to the Ghouse because everyone thought it was so fantastic, like some feel good movie that was about to start, and I just could not be sure. I had experienced bad situations, or ones I didn’t feel right about, that seemed great in the beginning, and this situation seemed so important to people that I had no other choices if that happened.

I understand the problem is not that anyone is trying to limit my choices or force me to do anything. The problem is my choices are few because costs are high, and I need a lot of care to get through the day and to be safe at night.

I’m even worried about the costs at the Ghouse, but the idea is that it will be fair and once it is set up it will last long term. Everyone in the house oversees their own care, sometimes with their families’ help, although they share the space.

 Having the ability to make my own decisions is one of the most important aspects of life to me and luckily that is a value of people in the Ghouse and G Day community as well. The G Day promise is to try to make it a good day for yourself and someone else.

We all know that life can sad, complicated, and painful for everyone, so that kind of promise takes a lot of choices, including, sometimes, fried dough and lemonade. Or homemade pizza with cookie cake and ice cream. Sometimes making a good day means just choosing to be happy if we can, even for one moment, despite all our troubles

Even though the G house is amazing from my own experience so far and I’m growing to really like the people there so much, it still doesn’t have my husband or my old friends. Grief is a lifetime process, and I am learning as I go. I may have a broken heart, but it still works, and so does my mind. I am quite sure nobody wants to be anywhere too long without the person they love, the love of their life if they have one.

No one genuinely wants wants to be in the movie that takes place after the loved one has already died no matter what happens next. Now that Alexander is gone, and I don’t ever get to see him again, it is way to long! However, I am still able to make new friends and keep my old ones.

 The Ghouse still doesn’t feel quite like it belongs to me, A, Angela Nicole Swanson the writer yet, but I have made the choice for myself, and I am determined that it will.

The following passage is from the book a Wrinkle in by Madeleine L’engle in 1962, @#&! 🥰🦄💕, ⚽️🥅 which appears in in the TV show Ted lasso. To me this passage is about unexpected or unrecognized leadership based on love for people, intelligence, and unique experience, in other words being in movies you are do not always want to be in:

All right, I’ll go!” Meg sobbed. “I know you want me to go!” “We want nothing from you that you do without grace,” Mrs Whatsit said, “or that you do without understanding.” Meg’s tears stopped as abruptly as they had started. “But I do understand.” She felt tired and unexpectedly peaceful. Now the coldness that, under Aunt Beast’s ministrations, had left her body had also left her mind. She looked toward her father and her confused anger was gone and she felt only love and pride. She smiled at him, asking forgiveness, and then pressed up against Aunt Beast. This time Aunt Beast’s arm went around her. Mrs Which’s voice was grave. “Wwhatt ddoo yyou unndderrsstanndd?” “That it has to be me. It can’t be anyone else. I don’t understand Charles, but he understands me.

When I was 14 I would read log passages out of this same book, with the school speech therapist, to try to get the dictation software to understand my speech patterns (a long time before Roy kent existed to read it to his adorable niece.)I liked the book but the practice was very frustrating and never worked when I had to write something else.

my current speech consultant showed me another way of doing speech practice which is much slower and evolves a lot of breath, breaks, and sounds out of your mouth.

So, I did not read that whole passage. I picked another one, which she found surprisingly long, which was not a shocking surprise to me or people who know me, obviously. But we’re going one sentence at a time. Which is what I’m doing right now, with these few paragraphs. Going slower certainly helps. Having someone watch you and being nervous does not help even will you like the therapist.

 I guess, rather than pure dictation practice, this is just a not so simple a simple statement of some of the things I’ve been through, things that are good and hope for the future. A statement with a book quote and a TV reference of course. It is writing practice too. Practice writing about myself as I am now. Practice having hope while dealing with my grief on top of of all the other difficulties in my life.

Both of my parents are a great gift to me and wonderful to hang out with. I will be forever grateful for the life they have given me and my beloved siblings. There is never a question in my mind about these facts.

I struggle a lot when I live with them though because deep down, I expect myself to be perfect and anything but a burden. I get terribly angry, depressed, and anxious when I can’t live up to those standards. Not having my husband to love me through this in his unique way makes it even worse.

So, what I need to do to be ok, like I promised my husband I would, is to live by different standards. I need to go live at the Ghouse —a genuinely nice house, close to home

like Meg in A Wrinkle in Time and of course Roy Kent in Ted Lasso, I will take responsibility for the role I’m here to play whether I want it or not. I will use my own unique Talents knowledge and relationships the best I can moving forward. However, I must take care of my emotions, healing, and self-worth most of all. Then I will be able to offer love and joy, thereby leading and creating good days, which make a good life.

Right now, this Saturday October 26, 2024, I’m having difficulty using dictation to edit because the dogs are barking and sometimes my mom comes to talk to me.  I am feeling Tired from talking because I just got off a two-hour video call with my old friend Lola from France. I had had not seen her for about two years. Those are good problems they have this is a good day.